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I might have a vivid imagination

I watch a LOT of Law and Order SVU on Netflix. Like a couple episodes a night and I LOVE it. But I’ll admit, sometimes it might get to me….

Home Alone. My mental breakdown began: Italics = my brain activity.

Time for bed – need to put the big dog updo I put him up in the kennel? What if someone breaks in? He won’t be able to stop them, will I hear him if he barks in the cage? Would he even bark? Crap. I’m not sure. Ok I’ll put him in the kennel…the little dog is out, he will warn me of danger and maybe the cat will attack.

In bed – start to fall asleep, wake up suddenlywhat was that? was that the dog moving? Yes. No? Wait, that noise…is that a drill? are they taking the hinges off the doors? Oh geeze. this is it. It’s happening….ok I need a plan:

Ok, I know where the gun is…can I reach it easily without giving away my position? is it loaded? hmm…ok do I know how to load it? Crap! Why didn’t I make sure to learn how to load it? Maybe I just need to get a bat. The bat is in the other room. In the closet. I should just sleep in the closet with the bat. Should I take Jake (the little dog) with me in the closet? Yes. He would give away my hiding spot if I left him out. Would I be able to keep him quiet in the closet with me? I’ll need a blanket for him to sleep under. He likes blankets. Maybe I’ll just stay up all night with the dog out, and sit on the couch with the bat and wait for the murderers and rapists…they’ll never expect me to be sitting on the couch.

No. Maybe I’ll just hide in the closet. Which closet? The kid closet? burglars will never look for jewels in a childs closet right? I don’t even have jewels. Will that make them angry?

Just calm down. Stay in bed. Go to sleep. You aren’t going to get murdered…

What if he breaks in my bathroom window? Then I can’t get to the gun…and he doesn’t have far to go to get to me. I’ll run out the front door…OH! Unless that’s what he wants me to do…what if his partner is waiting at the front door for me to let him in when I run? I’ll got to the back! Wait..there could be 3 of them. I’m screwed.

I’ll just wait in the bed and be calm and still and spring out of the bed like a cat when they walk in. If I’m loud and sound crazy, maybe they’ll run away…yeah. that’s what I’ll do…

In hindsight, I should have taken a Tylenol PM and a vodka treat and made myself pass out… Lesson learned.

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Posted on June 21, 2011, in just life, random thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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