Dear Chainsaw Wielding Murderer
Yesterday, it sounded like there was a chainsaw being used on the floor above me at the office and that got me thinking…..
#1 – I don’t play around with chainsaws..they scare the crap out of me. I had a terrible nightmare as a child about one and I want nothing to do with them.
#2 – I needed a plan to avoid a possible chainsaw death if in fact there was a chainsaw wielding murderer on the 5th floor
Dear Chainsaw wielding murderer, please don’t read this. I don’t want you to know my plan.
Everyone else who is not planning on murdering me: I have a plan to clean out a filing cabinet drawer next to my desk in case I need to crawl inside. It’s a large filing cabinet. So, yes..I’m pretty sure I can fit. I may need a test run to see though. Anyway, in the event that a chainsaw wielding murderer enters my floor, I will push out an emergency window and then crawl in the drawer. Ok. I’m not sure how I’ll close it yet. Hopefully my weight doesn’t warp the metal. All this will be worked out in the dry run. The emergency window will be pushed out because I’ve always wanted a reason to push it and see how easy it is, because someone should know if it’s easy enough that you should be concerned to lean against it, or if you need to like throw a chair at it or something and also as a distraction so the chainsaw wielding murderer will think I jumped. But really, I just want to push out a window. I decided my cubicle neighbor will also be getting in a cabinet but she’s getting in the taller, stand up cabinet because she’s 6’1. I’m looking out for her. Now this plan will only work if the chainsaw wielding murderer is looking for people to kill. This plan will not work if his/her plan is just to cut everything in half – as pointed out by someone who wants me to consider all scenarios, apparently. Thanks.
PS…Obviously, it was NOT a chainsaw wielding murderer on the 5th floor yesterday, but I still don’t know what made that crazy loud chainsaw sounding noise…