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9 OTHER Ways to Flatten Your Tummy

I just read an article called “9 ways to flatten your belly”.  Doesn’t an article like this pop up like once a week with the same information each time?  Duh, eat less carbs. Duh, don’t eat before bedtime. Duh, drink more water.  Duh, cut out salt….it should basically just say Crappy Eating = Bulging Belly.  Eat Lean, Be Lean.

So I came up with my own 9 ways to flatten your belly:

1.  Run 3 miles and do 100 situps each day. That will probably work.

2. Lie flat on the floor and place an anvil on your stomach.  Lay there for 1 hour each day for a flat tummy.

3. Put Duct tape around your torso to flatten out your tummy. At least it will LOOK like you have a flat tummy under your clothes.  Use different colored duct tape each day to spice it up.  

4. Wear a corset and pretend you live in the 1800’s, but brush your teeth and shower. Don’t literally pretend it’s the 1800’s.  BONUS: your boobs will look awesome and perky. (boys…this tip is probably not for you, unless you’re into that or REALLY desperate for a flat tummy)

5.  Imagine you have washboard abs by literally washing your clothes on them.  Don’t they say if you imagine it, it can be so? Well, get to imagining…

6. Do a body wrap thing like every day.  You know where they say they have some special formula of stuff that will take all the toxins out and you can lose 40 pounds in one session? Do that.

7.  Wear really tight clothes to force your body to adapt to them and become flatter and tighter. The human body is mostly water, right? And water changes shape based on what it’s put in…right? Makes perfect sense.

8.  Repeat #4.  Only because it’s probably really fun wearing those dresses and pretending you’re from another century. You could change it up by adopting new accents.  Just a thought.

9. Drink water. ..Just threw that one in, because water is good for everything and if you’re running 3 miles a day and doing 100 sit ups and putting anvils and duct tape and wraps on you, then you probably need some hydration.

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Posted on August 22, 2011, in random thoughts, Seriously Not Serious and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Or you could buy a new tummy. I like that idea. You should buy me a new tummy.

  2. you’re hilarious, and that’s why i love you.

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