248 Episodes later

I survived 248 episodes of rape, murder, incest, and pedophelia.  Otherwise known as Law and Order SVU.  I feel like I personally know Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler and I feel like if I ever go to New York, I would go to the precinct and ask for them and then get crazy looks because they are actors and not real cops.  But this will never happen because I will never go to New York City/Manhattan/Bronx/Long Island because I’m convinced that I will be raped, sold for sex, hooked on drugs, mugged, raped again, and then murdered and thrown in the river.  That show makes New York City look like the most dangerous place on Earth.  NO ONE is safe!  I would like to point out that a lot of the crime happened by someone that the victim knew, but still. There were those cases where the person was just walking down the street.  I don’t want to be that person walking down the street.  I have survived just fine staying close to home and staying out of alleys, but the problem in New York is that there are alleys everywhere and people are probably lurking in them.  If for some reason I DID go to NYC I would be barricaded in my hotel room by dark.  I wouldn’t ever drink anything in a restaurant or bar for fear I would be drugged and I would make sure I was always in an area where I (and my potential attacker) could be seen by cameras. 

You know what? I still don’t know how to hide a body.  You would think after about 248 hours of law and order shows I would have gotten some tips on what not to do or what works, but no.  Everyone gets caught on those shows, no matter how good of a criminal they think they are or how deep a hole they dig.  I did learn that if you are going to commit a crime, don’t have a signature.  Be random.  Don’t attack people you have any connection to.  Wear masks and gloves.  Don’t have a partner. Basically, be a serial killer.  But they get caught too, so pretty much I just learned NOT to ever commit crime.  I really don’t think I would hold up well in prison and I don’t have it in me to hurt anyone.  

I DO know that if I was attacked I would pull hair, scratch skin, leave bite marks, whatever I could to get some of the attackers DNA on my body to help the police.   I really just hope I’m not ever attacked because I really don’t know what the heck I would do.  Probably pee myself.

Now, that I’m done with SVU, I’m moving on to Criminal Intent. Wish me luck, I’m about to encounter a whole new set of mental issues and fears.


Posted on September 26, 2011, in just life, random thoughts, Things I'm Afraid of and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Wow… Just, wow.

  2. After seeing Richard Belzer play Munch on about four cop shows and almost twenty years, I can’t watch Law and Order anymore. His face is like looking at one of those 3D paintings where you have to find the sailboat. I’m done, I have to move on.

    • Ha! Detective munch. I never understood the point of his character on that show. He never did much work. Just offered a lot of poor comic relief. Sorry he kept you from a dozen great svu episodes!!! Probably means you’re more sane than me.

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