Category Archives: family road trip fun

Get a small fry and all the freakin’ ketchup you can carry

On our latest visit to the Houston area, we went to Logan’s Steakhouse and got it to go. Chris ordered chicken strips/fries but got no ketchup. So, we just decided to go to the Walgreens next door. No Ketchup. None at the Shell station next to Walgreens. WHERE IS ALL THE KETCHUP, HOUSTON? So I came up with the brilliant idea to go to McDonald’s, order a small fry and get all the ketchup you can carry. What if it’s behind the counter you ask? Well, here’s what you do: say you have an addiction to ketchup and you have only purchased the frys to satisfy your ketchup craving and so you can eat the ketchup without looking like you’re insane just eating ketchup straight from the package. People can’t argue with an addiction or a crazy person because they’re afraid of what kind of other crazy you might be. If they resist giving you more ketchup, then just give them some crazy eyes and say give me the freakin ketchup. Now. Smart people will give you the dang ketchup. So, Chris went inside McDonalds to act out “the plan”. After about 5 minutes, he came out looking defeated. I thought, how could my plan fail? Well, here’s how: He had a large fry and 6 ketchup packets. That was clearly not the plan. It failed because I said get a small fry. And act crazy. Crazy would have more than 6 ketchup packets. Or maybe it failed because people are stingy with their ketchup. Anyway, we finally got back to the hotel, got out the ironing board/TV tray, sat at the end of the bed and enjoyed our nice Logan’s Steakhouse meal while watching the miserable Cowboy’s game.


Nice Try, Zoo.

Went to the zoo while I was in San Francisco and saw lots of cool animals….zebras, anteaters, peacocks, giraffes, lions, tigers and bears, oh my!


Then, I came to the Alligators. Or where the Alligators were “supposed” to be.  This is what I found:

Really? And he wasn’t alone! There were 2 metal alligators, I guess so they ONE wouldn’t get lonely.  Maybe the metal alligator species is in danger, and they needed TWO here to begin reproducing.  I wonder what country metal alligators are native to?  Also they were CAGED IN.  Metal Alligator shapes in a cage.  To keep them from hurting me? To keep me from bending them? I have not friggin clue. Nice try, San Fran, your tricks didn’t work on this Texan.

I wonder what you feed metal alligators? I bet they don’t drink water…wouldn’t want them to rust

That Ocean Is A Sneaky Beach

Sign at the entrance to the beach

Things this sign taught me:

1.  The ocean will take your feet right out from under you. But your head will be above water, so it’s ok.

2. A beak will come out of the ocean to eat you if you stand on dry rocks. It will give you no warning.

3. The ocean is sneaky, don’t turn your back on it.  It might steal your wallet.

4.  ooooh shark!

Next time, I’m stealing a squirrel.

Ok…stealing is not the right word.  Relocating.  Next time, I’m relocating a squirrel.  Preferrably a pregnant one so I can get like a twofer…or a however- many-babies-a-squirrel-has-fer. Yes, this is another blog about California: On the side of Pacific Coast Highway, we saw a sign for “Elephant Seal Lookout Point”.  Heck yeah! Let’s look at some giant seals!  What we didn’t expect was all the coastal squirrels that would greet us as we got out of the car:

yum. I bet he was “droppin it like it’s hot” after this

Should be a commercial. Starring Martin the Squirrel.

curious little squirrel.. i should have snatched him up


Oh yeah, Elephant Seals…That’s why we pulled over right? I guess I should include a picture…

 UPDATED:  SunDrop’s new commercial is about Squirrels and Sundrop.  WHAT!? How did they NOT contact me about this? HEY, SUNDROP!! YOU SHOULD HAVE USED MY SQUIRREL PICTURES FOR YOUR COMMERCIAL..or me because I LOVE Sundrop.  Anyway, I hope one day sundrop is available everywhere and that all people in the world get a chance to taste the wonderful goodness of Sun Drop (diet, or regular).  This is my wish for the world.  Also that they all know Jesus.

Water Conservation > Sanitation

I went to California last week and made a stop at a little shop on the side of Pacific Coast Highway…in the bathroom I found a peculiar sign:
So…would you rather me NOT wash my hands?

Um…I thought the sign in the bathroom USUALLY said “employees must wash hands” or something along those lines.  NOT in California.  They conserve water out there. 

So as I’m washing my hands I’m ok, am I supposed to wash my hands? Or not? Conserve water = don’t use this sink? Or use if fast? In that case, what about the rule that I’m supposed to sing the alphabet or happy birthday song to myself while I wash to make sure I wash long enough to kill the germs?  As you can see I was very bothered by this little broken sign.  Oh…broken because maybe the shop saw the confusion it was causing so they tried to remove it but the glue was to sticky? Maybe.  Either way, I washed my hands and killed the germs and took this picture.
Updated: I see that the sign is held on by screws, so my glue theory is shot.  So, whatever California…suck it up…I washed my hands and used your water.  You have the ocean, there’s a lot of water in there to replenish what I used.

I saved their life and they didn’t even thank me

I’m on a family road trip from Dallas TX to Central California in a pathfinder. This is (some of) my story:

We pulled over in the middle of nowhere Arizona to sleep at 2 something am. I wake up to the sound of my mom saying “no, pull off the road farther”. We come to a stop and the windows get rolled down and the back window on the back door of the SUV is popped so I can have some cool desert air. Being a little paranoid, I only crack the window enough for a breeze. I don’t want the window all the way open..I can’t make it that easy for someone to take me. I sit up and all I see is grass and bushes and desert surrounding the car. I’m NOT ok with that. All I can think about is that tiny people or children are sneaking up and are going to snatch us up. They’re crouching low behind the brush waiting until the unsuspecting family from Texas is asleep. Well, THIS Texan wasn’t falling asleep. No way. I’m laying in the back of the car, body still, eyes wide open, brain active when a gust of wind hits the back window behind my head. OK! I’m up! I wake up my parents and say I can’t stay here, if you need to sleep that’s fine I’ll drive, but if we stay here I will get no sleep. None. Let me drive. Of course they’re like why?? So I reply, I have a very real fear of being murdered out here. Ever seen The hills have eyes? I have, and I’m not going out like that. Not now, not never.

So, because of me we got to California sooner and were able to spend a day at the beach AND I saved my (ungrateful) family from being murdered by the desert people in Arizona. Go me.