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Category Archives: random thoughts

Let’s just hope they don’t make a Zombie Vaccine

Don’t they say that we create the future that’s predicted? Like when people predict trouble in the stock market, people start selling their stocks which basically causes the crash they predicted? What if all this Zombie talk has scientists in their labs trying to create zombies? I know there’s that flower that makes zombie ants, so I bet there are scientists out there trying to replicate it in rats or something.  I think we should all keep an eye on the local rats to make sure they aren’t running around all dead and stuff.  I’m sure they’ll say they’re trying to come up with possibilities for how they’ll be created so they can cure the zombie disease when it actually happens.  But that’s not true…Did they not learn from Frankenstein? Science CAN go wrong, and it CAN become something you can’t control.  I hope the government has some sanctions on zombie creating…in fact, if the military is having zombie training exercises then I bet they already know the hows and the whens of the upcoming zombie apocalypse. The government is sneaky like that.  Guess I should get some zombie bullets, and some various weaponry in case of an outbreak.  I read that the safest place to go would be a military base so perhaps I’ll do that….I hope they have twinkies…wait…nevermind.

Maybe they will make a vaccine you can get to prevent you from getting the zombie bug…like the flu shot. But if it works anything like the flu shot they have now,  then the vaccine will just cause the zombie apocalypse because I’m pretty sure the vaccine for the flu causes the darn flu.  I’m sort of anti flu shot, if you haven’t guessed.

I just googled Zombie Rats and found that they do exist….are you kidding me, science??

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I Bet Ventriloquists Don’t Get Kidnapped

Usually when someone is going to take you, they’ll cover your mouth with their hands, or put a gag in your mouth to keep you quiet.  But ventriloquists can be just as loud with their mouth closed as I can be with my mouth open.  They can even articulate words and sentences without moving their mouth, so I bet it’s pretty hard to kidnap a ventriloquists and keep them quiet.  They could even yell in different voices to make people who could hear think there are several people being held hostage so they’ll speed up the rescue process.  They could probably even throw their voice to sound like cops are outside threatening the kidnapper.  They could yell things like “we’ve got you surrounded” “release the hostage and all your requests will be met”, you know, things like that. 

I should probably start working on my ventriloquists skills just to ensure my safety.

Every marriage needs a healthy dose of fear

When I recently wrote about how badly I want a kitten, I really didn’t think Chris took my kitten threat seriously. However, yesterday he told me that he has stress because every day when he comes home he doesn’t know if there is going to be a kitten here. I am not really sure where or how this came up in our conversation over dinner, but it did and it was wonderful. It’s good to have something in your life to keep you on your toes. I’m home alone all day, so it is fully possible that I will find a kitten on my lunchtime run, or maybe I’ll be buying dog food at the pet store and they’ll be having a kitten sale. I actually found a kitten when we were on vacation in California a few days ago. I was mid conversation in the kitchen with a couple family members, and I saw this little black and white ball of adorable walk across the sitting area outside and I said Ohhh Kitten, and walked outside. I fully expected the cat to run from me because they usually do, but this one meowed a sad little sound and let me play with it! It was so cute and sweet and you could tell that it recently had a human family because you could see the indentation in it’s fur from a collar. I would pet it, and it would roll back on it’s back and play with me and even today I am reminded of my little furry friend when I look at the scratches all over my hand. Cats are fiesty like that. They’re like oh I love you, pet me but don’t get to comfortable, remember I have sharp claws, see? I told Chris I needed to find a way to smuggle it on the airplane. I could just zip it up in my giant purse and be like shhhh kitty, just stay here under the seat, we’ll be home soon. And then we would live happily every after.

High Fives for Everybody

When someone in your life passes on, it makes you think about life and death and what type of impact you’re making on the people in your life. It makes you think of how people will speak of you when your time comes. It makes you wonder how you are being viewed by the people around you. I want to make an impression on the people in my life. I want to be known as someone who had a great deal of patience with others, was kind-hearted and was a spot of sunshine in the lives of those I’ve encountered. I want to be an inspiration to others, and show that having a heart full of Christ is awesome and changes life (and death) for the better.

I also want to be remembered for being funny and finding the humor in all things.

When this life of mine is no more, I want to be positioned in the casket with my right hand up so everyone that comes up can give me high-five. When people walk past my body at the end of the funeral, they will want to cry because I’m sure life without me in it will be unbearable, but then they will be like, Oh she’s giving me a high-five. That’s cool. And they’ll laugh and think “that Sara, always makin’ me laugh, she’s so ridiculous”. And then they’ll tell Chris that I was probably joking when I said I want to be in the casket with my hand up for high-five’s but it’s ok, because it WAS pretty funny and I’m probably laughing from heaven, telling Jesus that I just got 500 people to high-five my dead body. Yes, 500 people will miss me enough to come to my funeral. If only 50 people show up, then my family needs to go out and find 450 more people and bring them along to mourn me. I mean high five me.

I need a dream interpreter over here. And also some cupcakes.

I wish I understood dreams and what makes some insanely strange. Last nights dream was super odd and actually had me laughing when I woke up.

I was at church with my mom and I was singing with the praise team. We are singing and I looked down in the congregation and my ex from like 9 years ago was sitting with my sister, and he mouthed at me “do you have any change” and I was like what? yeah, hold on, but I was thinking I’m singing right now, why are you asking me about change? And then he was gone.

Then all of a sudden someones phone went off (it was the robot sound on the iPhone) and I was like oh my gosh who has their phone on up here? It should be on silent. Then I realize I can’t hear any of the music anymore because the robot sound is so loud. Whose phone is it? It’s my mom’s phone. So I grab her phone off the piano and turn it to silent but the sound didn’t stop. So people are singing and I couldn’t turn it off, IT WOULDN’T FREAKIN STOP, so we took it out of the church and gave it to this girl Andy from the church I used to go to and she was trying to get it to stop and she couldn’t make it shut up either. It was making her read every calendar reminder that existed on the phone, and somehow it became her phone, and she was like I NEED THESE REMINDERS so she wouldn’t let me cancel them, she was just rescheduling the reminders and they were dots on a map, like the alarm was based on a city where the bill was due and IT WOULDN’T STOP ALARMING. So I let her deal with it and I went back into the sanctuary to finish the song because it was such a good song but I couldn’t hear the verse they were on because I could only hear the alarm so I was putting my ear close to the mouths of the people singing but I still couldn’t hear them. So they kept repeating one verse over and over so I could figure it out but then then I argued with the choir director (it was a tall red headed woman and her hair was puffy. It was not the current choir director at my moms church, because that would make sense) because she had a deep voice so I said I’ll sing the soprano on this part and and she was like no, I’m soprano so I said are you kidding me? you have a deep voice! no way, you’re out of your mind.

And then I woke up and my stupid alarm had been going off for 11 minutes.

I described this dream to my mom and she reminded me that a choir director they used to have at church, like a decade ago, was a red headed lady with a deep voice.

It’s all fun and games until somebody gets bit by a fish

Actual conversation with my husband. Actually, it’s a mostly one sided conversation where Chris just gives me strange looks because I am irrational. Obviously.

Chris: I almost bought the movie Jaws

Me: We don’t need that movie

Chris: Why not?

Me: I’m already afraid of the ocean. I don’t need anymore help with that

Chris: What? You’re afraid of the ocean, but you want to go to the ocean for vacation in August?

Me: Yes.

Chris: So, you aren’t getting in the ocean?

Me: A little

Me: I’m more likely to get in the ocean than I am to get in a lake

Chris: (strange look)

Me: I’m afraid of the lake

Chris: (more strange look but now it looks like if maybe he’s wondering what he got himself into with this marriage)

Me: I’m afraid of fish. I’m afraid they’ll bite me. And those hidden underwater trees? Those freak me out.

Chris: Is that why you don’t like to eat catfish?

Me: No, it’s already dead and can’t stab or bite me. I just don’t like to eat fish.

Chris: (continued strange looks)

Me: Also, I believe that there are snakes in lakes

Chris: There ARE snakes in lakes

Me: SEE?? I’m not getting in the lake. I was tortured as a child. The only way I’ll get in the lake is if I’m thrown off the tube. Which is why I’m really good at tube wars. I can stay on for a crazy long time. But when I get thrown off I float on my back and/or kick my legs and move my arms as much as possible so I scare the bitey animals.

Me. It’s a survival skill.

Chris: Why are we talking about lakes? We don’t even have plans to go to the lake.

Me: Stop judging me.

That dog is artistic. In a “hey, I can spell your name with my pee” kind of way

We like to take the dogs for walks through the neighborhood. The walks usually take awhile because the dogs are busy marking everything they can find as we pull them down the street. Walking back home I see a strange pattern on the concrete and I asked Chris, did Max do that? He said yeah. I said, do you realize he spelled your name with his pee?

See?

;

Told ya. C-h-r-i-s in cursive, right there in your face. That’s serious talent.

What? You can’t see it? Ugh…ok. Let me help you.

You guys are so helpless... I can't believe I had to trace dog pee for you.

Now, it’s probably the only thing you can see when you look at that first picture. The talent is so obvious. I’m a little surprised that Jake didn’t come back with an S-a-r-a to show Max that he’s not the only talent in the family.

Hey, do you know anything about snakes?

That’s not something I wanted to hear while riding my bike. Chris and I have gotten into this wonderful bike riding habit. It’s great because we are working out and we’re spending time together (when I’m not miles ahead of him..ha). It’s also great because we are able to explore this new neighborhood we live in.

Take yesterday for example. We had 20 minutes left on the bike ride, we came across this bridge and this woman asked “Do you know anything about snakes?” In my head, I’m thinking, just keep going, pedal harder, if she’s asking about snakes, there’s probably a snake. Outloud, Chris says, “yeah, a little.”

Crap.

So we stop, and she points to the water and says, see that snake? It’s not a coral snake, I see those all the time. This one is black with yellow rings, no red. I’ve never seen that kind before. This is one of the smaller snakes I’ve seen though.
This is where I stopped her. I said “wow, we are new to the neighborhood and you’re freakin’ me out with all this snake information”. So she continues with, do you get the neighborhood emails? The ones about the Ferrel Hogs? That’s my neighbor’s house. We’ve caught 8 so far.

Listen lady, I’m allowed to live here, too. Please stop trying to scare us out of your neighborhood with all these wild animals that will kill me.

Then she points past the bridge to this really open area and says “there’s a big pond back there, we see wildlife all the time. Deer, Bald Eagles, etc…. There’s a path that will take you back there and all around the pond. You should check it out, it’s really pretty”.

So what do we do with the knowledge that there’s a (small) snake below us, and Ferrell hogs, and other wildlife lurking nearby? We take the trail and go around the pond. While we’re riding up the path, I hear Chris say “I’m going to start carrying a knife on these bike rides”. So I laugh, and he follows it up with “Ferrell hogs will kill you” ..or something like that, I’m not really sure because I was laughing…and then I asked “so, what do you think you are going to do with your tiny little pocket knife against a Ferrell hog?” His wonderful, loving reply: “it’s better than nothing, I just have to make sure I run faster than you.”

Thanks Dear.

P.S. Google thinks it’s a California King Snake of some sort. I don’t know exactly what that means, but if I dissect the name, California is artsy and liberal, Kings rule things, and well it’s a snake. So it’s probably some snake that wears weird clothes, drinks Starbucks, and thinks he’s the boss of everything..

Yay, Internet People, Yay!

You know those annoying “we can’t find your webpage” things that happen when you excitedly click a link and find that it no longer exists? Well, they’ve gotten better with clever things like “sorry, we don’t know what happened” or “we’ve tried everything and we can’t find your page”..etc…This one trumps them all:

This made my day, thanks Internet. I'm not even upset that my link failed.

I’ll give myself a pat on the back for this day

I did pretty good today. We had a pest guy come out to deal with an ant problem we’re having. Gangster Ghost Ants to be exact. Anyway, I knew he was coming, but I didn’t get afraid or text K-Star with his description. Maybe it was because my sister is here. It wasn’t until he was here about 20 minutes that I thought “wow, I’m not freaking out that there’s a stranger here with poison.”

I only had 2 little moments where my imagination got a little wild:

He walked with me around the house so I could point out all the ant’s hiding places and then he said he was going to go get the stuff he needs from the truck. After about 10 minutes, he still wasn’t back. For a moment, I thought…hm…maybe he’s getting all his murder gear? He’s seen all over the house and he met the dogs and knows where the rooms are and stuff…maybe that’s his strategy? no.. I quickly pushed that out of my mind and I literally just wasn’t afraid of him. Until…

I had ONE more little moment when I was upstairs at my desk, and he was downstairs and I could hear him opening doors, and cabinets, and moving stuff around because he was spraying the pesticide…but the noise was strange and for a second I had a Dexter thought…what if he’s just setting up his kill room downstairs?

Stop it Sara. Just Stop it.

He was a really nice guy, and from what I could tell, he was only here to kill one thing: Ants.