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Yes, I did just make this about me

Unless you’re living under a rock, you heard about the tornados that struck DFW.

I have been fortunate enough to never be directly affected by natural disasters. These storms have happened before, but I’ve never had anyone that I know be affected in a serious way.

I’m convinced that Mother Nature was looking for me this time. She apparently doesn’t realize that I’ve relocated a few hundred miles away.

First, I find out that a tornado was seen around Burleson. I used to live there. Then I hear that there’s one super close to my parents house and heading towards the in-laws house. This is the city where I grew up and just recently moved away from. Then I hear one is in Pantego…another place I lived for a couple years. 3 separate cities that aren’t THAT close to each other. THEN when it couldn’t find me in any of my previous residences, it went after my job near Dallas to see if I was there. What did I do to make Mother Nature so mad at me? I know, I am not a great recycler, but I don’t litter. In fact, I pick up litter when I see someone else thrown it out. I even saved a turtle from the side of the road the other day. He was laying there, on his back being all helpless and we pulled over and I put him right side up in the grass!

Hopefully, Mother Nature will stop looking for me and stop picking on all my friends and family, scaring them and making them hide in stairwells and hallways and bathtubs.

In complete seriousness, I’m so thankful that all of my friends and family are safe and unaffected by the terrible tornados that ripped through neighborhoods. It could have been so much worse. There were like a dozen tornados and one even tore through a school and but there are no deaths reported. Simply amazing.

P.S. I don’t ever know how to properly use affect/effect. So just ignore those if they’re incorrect.

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Hey, do you know anything about snakes?

That’s not something I wanted to hear while riding my bike. Chris and I have gotten into this wonderful bike riding habit. It’s great because we are working out and we’re spending time together (when I’m not miles ahead of him..ha). It’s also great because we are able to explore this new neighborhood we live in.

Take yesterday for example. We had 20 minutes left on the bike ride, we came across this bridge and this woman asked “Do you know anything about snakes?” In my head, I’m thinking, just keep going, pedal harder, if she’s asking about snakes, there’s probably a snake. Outloud, Chris says, “yeah, a little.”

Crap.

So we stop, and she points to the water and says, see that snake? It’s not a coral snake, I see those all the time. This one is black with yellow rings, no red. I’ve never seen that kind before. This is one of the smaller snakes I’ve seen though.
This is where I stopped her. I said “wow, we are new to the neighborhood and you’re freakin’ me out with all this snake information”. So she continues with, do you get the neighborhood emails? The ones about the Ferrel Hogs? That’s my neighbor’s house. We’ve caught 8 so far.

Listen lady, I’m allowed to live here, too. Please stop trying to scare us out of your neighborhood with all these wild animals that will kill me.

Then she points past the bridge to this really open area and says “there’s a big pond back there, we see wildlife all the time. Deer, Bald Eagles, etc…. There’s a path that will take you back there and all around the pond. You should check it out, it’s really pretty”.

So what do we do with the knowledge that there’s a (small) snake below us, and Ferrell hogs, and other wildlife lurking nearby? We take the trail and go around the pond. While we’re riding up the path, I hear Chris say “I’m going to start carrying a knife on these bike rides”. So I laugh, and he follows it up with “Ferrell hogs will kill you” ..or something like that, I’m not really sure because I was laughing…and then I asked “so, what do you think you are going to do with your tiny little pocket knife against a Ferrell hog?” His wonderful, loving reply: “it’s better than nothing, I just have to make sure I run faster than you.”

Thanks Dear.

P.S. Google thinks it’s a California King Snake of some sort. I don’t know exactly what that means, but if I dissect the name, California is artsy and liberal, Kings rule things, and well it’s a snake. So it’s probably some snake that wears weird clothes, drinks Starbucks, and thinks he’s the boss of everything..

I thought it was possessed, but turns out it’s just a clean freak

I’m prepared for many situations, like scary children in the desert, break-ins at church, potential direct tv man attacks and other random situations no one ever thinks about. But I was not prepared for a printer attack. I’m sitting here working, minding my own business, listening to the radio and the giant printer/fax/scanner/monster starting making noises and spinning it’s wheels. Out. Of. Nowhere. For like 30 seconds it just growled and spun and I was just waiting for it to print some paper out with something threatening on it. I even recorded it. And I sent the video to my husband. He replied with “it does a self clean where it checks the ink levels and crap like that”.

So maybe it’s not possessed. Maybe I’m just paranoid.

The Mafia Just did my car inspection

I went to get my car inspected today.  There was no where to park because there were 3 cars scattered in front of the building and there was one car in the bay that was not getting worked on.  There were some guys talking behind the building probably plotting my demise.  I went inside and passed an old man sitting in a chair with a cane.  He said HI but did not tell anyone that I was there. So I stood inside alone until I could finally get someones attention.  The guy comes inside and I say “i’m here to get my car inspected” and he’s all Ok, no problem and he takes my keys.  So I start looking around this sad little room I’m in and I see an almost empy bottle of Armani cologne on the shelf, womens sunglasses, an old style phone sitting on a pile of stuff, a keyboard on shelf with a styrofoam cup on it and I see this:

Oh.My.Gah. It’s the Mafia.

Notice the lone car window roller thingy on the bottom shelf, it says HELP.. Even it’s afraid. Notice the shelf above just has stuff scattered?  The signs in this place dont even make complete sentences.  There is no sign for prices…just $19.99 oil change painted on the window.  What if they charge me $90 for this inspection? I’d have to run away but I think the Mafia can run fast so I would just have to pay with my body.  Seriously. Clean this place up, mafia. The windows are nasty, the chairs are covered in what are probably blood stains.  Seriously. Clean this place up, mafia.  I’m on to you.  There’s a staircase outside of the door and I think that’s where all the people are in this place. Upstairs murdering and removing fingers.  I swear at one point I heard a thud and a lot of moving around.  The underground section under the bay is probably where the bodies and drugs are kept. Probably.  I still don’t know why that old guy was sitting in the bay with his cane.

Also, when the guy came in to get me to pay (not the same guy that did the inspection) he said oh we forgot to get your insurance, haha, and I was all oh I know, but I have it in my purse! I’ll get it outno no it’s ok, I trust you.   He is my cousin and he is new, he forgot but I told him you were my customer and it’s OK I know you have it.  And i was like yeah.. ok. well it’s in my purse if you want me to shno no, it’s ok. You just come back whenever you need anything. Engine light on? Come in, I’ll check it. No Problem.  Anytime.
So, I think the Mafia is actually afraid of ME.