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And then I found myself digging in the dirt with my bare hands

If you’re one of the everybody who has self diagnosed ADD, then you will know exactly what I’m talking about. Here’s the scenario: You’re in the middle of doing something, get distracted by something and your focus changes, then halfway through your new project you get bored but now you’re in too deep so you just have to finish it and/or figure out a way to get someone else to do it for you.
NO? Just me? hmm..

Anyway, here are the 4 phases of ADD according to me:
1. Ohhh shiny
2. That would be way more fun than what I’m currently doing
3. This was a Terrible idea
4. Chris, I’m sore, will you finish this for me?

We have a walkway to the front door, and on the left side there is a tiny little area with a few sad looking rocks and dirt and a lot of weeds. Not weed. Sorry potheads, this is not the blog for you. They were regular ol’ annoying weeds. So I started pulling weeds. Halfway through the weed pulling, I discovered something that looked like a mushroom in the dirt. Not hallucinogenic mushrooms. THIS IS NOT A BLOG ABOUT DRUGS. STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT THAT WAY. So, I started to dig out the mushroom looking thing to see what it was because it looked like it was everywhere. Instead of mushrooms, I found rocks. Not cocaine rocks. Why do I even have to keep clarifying these things? I decided I would dig them up since I had been contemplating stealing the rocks in the neighbors entry way. I thought I would just find a few rocks, but there were like 100, so I decided to start digging back at the beginning where the weed pulling began.

My ADD Diagram.

Halfway through the rock digging I was bored again and didn’t want to dig up any more rocks. My hands were hurting, the was dirt under my nails, and I was pretty sure Chris was not going to be amused at my discovery and the now large mess that I probably wasn’t going to clean up, so I go inside to get a drink of water fully expecting a barage of questions, like what have you been doing outside for the last half hour? Were there that many weeds? Why are your hands covered in dirt? But I got no questions. Hardly even a look. Nothing. So I said “I found a lot of rocks” and walked back outside to put gloves on and continue The Great Rock Excavation of 2012. It’s a good thing I put on the gloves, because I almost imediately found an angry looking red centipede. I don’t trust anything with that many legs.

After digging up all the rocks (yes, this IS a really long story about how I dug up some rocks, I agree) I realized that I had also dug up a lot of dirt and it was all over the rocks and sidewalk. It’s ok, I’ll just hose off the rocks and hose the dirt back in the dirt area. HA. Bad idea. Turns out, when you hose off dirt, it just turns into brown water and goes wherever the heck it wants to. Which is all over my ankles. And then the dirt area turns into a brown river and you have to wait for it to dry before you can put the rocks back. THIS is really bad for my ADD because then I have to WAIT. Which most assuredly means I will get distracted by something else before the dirt dries and THAT is when I’ll tell Chris that I lost all feeling in my arms and can most definitely not put all those rocks back and since he’s outside mowing, it just makes sense that he just put them all back whenever he gets done.

Thanks Dear

Oh! I found a snake skin (because I did do the cleaning up, that part about me telling Chris to finish was a lie…my bad). It wasn’t that long, but that’s probably because the snake only shed half of his skin to make me think I don’t have anything to fear. I’m on to you snake.

That's a friggin snake skin in my walkway

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It’s all fun and games until somebody gets bit by a fish

Actual conversation with my husband. Actually, it’s a mostly one sided conversation where Chris just gives me strange looks because I am irrational. Obviously.

Chris: I almost bought the movie Jaws

Me: We don’t need that movie

Chris: Why not?

Me: I’m already afraid of the ocean. I don’t need anymore help with that

Chris: What? You’re afraid of the ocean, but you want to go to the ocean for vacation in August?

Me: Yes.

Chris: So, you aren’t getting in the ocean?

Me: A little

Me: I’m more likely to get in the ocean than I am to get in a lake

Chris: (strange look)

Me: I’m afraid of the lake

Chris: (more strange look but now it looks like if maybe he’s wondering what he got himself into with this marriage)

Me: I’m afraid of fish. I’m afraid they’ll bite me. And those hidden underwater trees? Those freak me out.

Chris: Is that why you don’t like to eat catfish?

Me: No, it’s already dead and can’t stab or bite me. I just don’t like to eat fish.

Chris: (continued strange looks)

Me: Also, I believe that there are snakes in lakes

Chris: There ARE snakes in lakes

Me: SEE?? I’m not getting in the lake. I was tortured as a child. The only way I’ll get in the lake is if I’m thrown off the tube. Which is why I’m really good at tube wars. I can stay on for a crazy long time. But when I get thrown off I float on my back and/or kick my legs and move my arms as much as possible so I scare the bitey animals.

Me. It’s a survival skill.

Chris: Why are we talking about lakes? We don’t even have plans to go to the lake.

Me: Stop judging me.

Hey, do you know anything about snakes?

That’s not something I wanted to hear while riding my bike. Chris and I have gotten into this wonderful bike riding habit. It’s great because we are working out and we’re spending time together (when I’m not miles ahead of him..ha). It’s also great because we are able to explore this new neighborhood we live in.

Take yesterday for example. We had 20 minutes left on the bike ride, we came across this bridge and this woman asked “Do you know anything about snakes?” In my head, I’m thinking, just keep going, pedal harder, if she’s asking about snakes, there’s probably a snake. Outloud, Chris says, “yeah, a little.”

Crap.

So we stop, and she points to the water and says, see that snake? It’s not a coral snake, I see those all the time. This one is black with yellow rings, no red. I’ve never seen that kind before. This is one of the smaller snakes I’ve seen though.
This is where I stopped her. I said “wow, we are new to the neighborhood and you’re freakin’ me out with all this snake information”. So she continues with, do you get the neighborhood emails? The ones about the Ferrel Hogs? That’s my neighbor’s house. We’ve caught 8 so far.

Listen lady, I’m allowed to live here, too. Please stop trying to scare us out of your neighborhood with all these wild animals that will kill me.

Then she points past the bridge to this really open area and says “there’s a big pond back there, we see wildlife all the time. Deer, Bald Eagles, etc…. There’s a path that will take you back there and all around the pond. You should check it out, it’s really pretty”.

So what do we do with the knowledge that there’s a (small) snake below us, and Ferrell hogs, and other wildlife lurking nearby? We take the trail and go around the pond. While we’re riding up the path, I hear Chris say “I’m going to start carrying a knife on these bike rides”. So I laugh, and he follows it up with “Ferrell hogs will kill you” ..or something like that, I’m not really sure because I was laughing…and then I asked “so, what do you think you are going to do with your tiny little pocket knife against a Ferrell hog?” His wonderful, loving reply: “it’s better than nothing, I just have to make sure I run faster than you.”

Thanks Dear.

P.S. Google thinks it’s a California King Snake of some sort. I don’t know exactly what that means, but if I dissect the name, California is artsy and liberal, Kings rule things, and well it’s a snake. So it’s probably some snake that wears weird clothes, drinks Starbucks, and thinks he’s the boss of everything..