Actual conversation with my husband. Actually, it’s a mostly one sided conversation where Chris just gives me strange looks because I am irrational. Obviously.
Chris: I almost bought the movie Jaws
Me: We don’t need that movie
Chris: Why not?
Me: I’m already afraid of the ocean. I don’t need anymore help with that
Chris: What? You’re afraid of the ocean, but you want to go to the ocean for vacation in August?
Chris: So, you aren’t getting in the ocean?
Me: A little
Me: I’m more likely to get in the ocean than I am to get in a lake
Chris: (strange look)
Me: I’m afraid of the lake
Chris: (more strange look but now it looks like if maybe he’s wondering what he got himself into with this marriage)
Me: I’m afraid of fish. I’m afraid they’ll bite me. And those hidden underwater trees? Those freak me out.
Chris: Is that why you don’t like to eat catfish?
Me: No, it’s already dead and can’t stab or bite me. I just don’t like to eat fish.
Chris: (continued strange looks)
Me: Also, I believe that there are snakes in lakes
Chris: There ARE snakes in lakes
Me: SEE?? I’m not getting in the lake. I was tortured as a child. The only way I’ll get in the lake is if I’m thrown off the tube. Which is why I’m really good at tube wars. I can stay on for a crazy long time. But when I get thrown off I float on my back and/or kick my legs and move my arms as much as possible so I scare the bitey animals.
Me. It’s a survival skill.
Chris: Why are we talking about lakes? We don’t even have plans to go to the lake.
Me: Stop judging me.