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Excuse me, sir, but your tail is showing

I thought the weird people in California were in the major cities, but apparently I was mistaken.  Santa Barbara has interesting people, too.  It’s a beautiful city, and when I’m walking near the beach I should have been paying attention to the beautiful ocean and the shops, and the artists along the street, but no, I was distracted by the man with the tail in front of me.

I didn’t know squirrels wore flip flops

He looks like a perfectly normal dude walking down the street until you pan down towards the ground and see the tail.  Why? Why does he have a tail? I should have pulled it to see if it was real.  I wonder what he would have done…would he hit me? Yell at me? Scratch me with his hidden squirrel hands?  Maybe he should be on the My Strange Addiction show…maybe it’s deeper than just the tail.  It’s not like it was a full moon or anything, it was the  middle of the afternoon. Yes I know I’m posting this in October, near Halloween, but this picture was taken in August so you can’t argue that he was just dressing up for the holiday.

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I need a dream interpreter over here. And also some cupcakes.

I wish I understood dreams and what makes some insanely strange. Last nights dream was super odd and actually had me laughing when I woke up.

I was at church with my mom and I was singing with the praise team. We are singing and I looked down in the congregation and my ex from like 9 years ago was sitting with my sister, and he mouthed at me “do you have any change” and I was like what? yeah, hold on, but I was thinking I’m singing right now, why are you asking me about change? And then he was gone.

Then all of a sudden someones phone went off (it was the robot sound on the iPhone) and I was like oh my gosh who has their phone on up here? It should be on silent. Then I realize I can’t hear any of the music anymore because the robot sound is so loud. Whose phone is it? It’s my mom’s phone. So I grab her phone off the piano and turn it to silent but the sound didn’t stop. So people are singing and I couldn’t turn it off, IT WOULDN’T FREAKIN STOP, so we took it out of the church and gave it to this girl Andy from the church I used to go to and she was trying to get it to stop and she couldn’t make it shut up either. It was making her read every calendar reminder that existed on the phone, and somehow it became her phone, and she was like I NEED THESE REMINDERS so she wouldn’t let me cancel them, she was just rescheduling the reminders and they were dots on a map, like the alarm was based on a city where the bill was due and IT WOULDN’T STOP ALARMING. So I let her deal with it and I went back into the sanctuary to finish the song because it was such a good song but I couldn’t hear the verse they were on because I could only hear the alarm so I was putting my ear close to the mouths of the people singing but I still couldn’t hear them. So they kept repeating one verse over and over so I could figure it out but then then I argued with the choir director (it was a tall red headed woman and her hair was puffy. It was not the current choir director at my moms church, because that would make sense) because she had a deep voice so I said I’ll sing the soprano on this part and and she was like no, I’m soprano so I said are you kidding me? you have a deep voice! no way, you’re out of your mind.

And then I woke up and my stupid alarm had been going off for 11 minutes.

I described this dream to my mom and she reminded me that a choir director they used to have at church, like a decade ago, was a red headed lady with a deep voice.

My Mind has a Mind of it’s own…

Last night, I was driving home and a truck with 2 guys pulled up beside me.  The passenger was hanging out the window trying to get my attention and when I noticed him he pointed to my car and mouthed what looked like “flat tire”.  Hello sir, my car has sensors that let me know when I have low tire pressure and it’s saying no such thing right now.  So I will NOT be pulling over on the side of the highway so that you can rape, pillage, and murder me. No thank you.

Also, when you’re sick you have strange dreams.  Case In Point: I was home all day – sick – and I was watching a car chase on TV with terrorists chasing someone down and shooting them, and the lights in the rooms started going off.  Not the power in the rooms, just the lights.  So I got the shotgun out of the the closet but it wasn’t loaded and I didn’t know which way the bullets went in (actually I’m pretty sure I should just use the term “ammo” because I feel confident that bullets isn’t the right thing for a shotgun).  Apparently I have a real fear of needing the shotgun and not knowing how to load it.  I should really learn that before something bad actually happens.  OK Back to the dream…shotgun, closet, etc…So then it was dark outside and Jessica came over to workout (turbo kick) and my hair was soaking wet and the lights were all out and half my kitchen was in my living room (the part of the counter with the sink and that felt pretty normal actually) and I had the unloaded shotgun because I was afraid of terrorists.  Thinking about it now, it was unloaded so how the heck was that going to do any good?  Dream me sure wasn’t a thinker. So I was like OK, well I’m not really ready to workout, I kind of forgot about you coming over, and half my kitchen is in the living room so I’m not sure where we will workout.  So we went outside and stumbled upon an outdoor attempted murder trial and got there just in time for the verdict of guilty, but the victim wasn’t sure what guilty meant so after the verdict was read, she said OH! So they think he DID try to kill me? OK GREAT! and she walked away.

The End. I woke up.